Acting & Covid - Loosing Identity

A post on facebook from a director/practioner colleague & friend: "This week alone, 3 actors/artists have said to me that they’re struggling with their mental health. It feels like “it’s on a knife’s edge.” Most of the time it’s ok, but there’s at least one day in the week that it’s hard. And their lives feel very dark. Artists are telling me that they feel like they’ve somehow lost their identity, because it’s so strongly linked with what they do. For most of us, it’s not “what we do”, it’s “who we are.” We have to be creative and imaginative: it’s inbuilt in us. Without having an outlet to do this, to be ourselves, it’s like we’re restraining our own personality: and as a result we lose who we are. For most us (myself included), our sense of worth doesn’t come from money in the bank (ha! Chance would be a fine thing!), from the size of property or type of car we own (again - haha!), or from the tick boxes that society impresses on us (get married, have kids, be the perfect Mother/father role model, have a pension and have a secure financial future) - no, our sense of worth comes from what we create. We see our achievements as productions, roles, or things we’ve made. That’s why we’re always so proud to talk about our past work - give any one of us the opportunity and we will talk about our past productions. Why? Because those are our achievements. That’s who we are. And we feel proud of those moments. They are flagstones in our life'. I found I connected with this post and do feel anxious with my lack of creativity this year. I took a 'full-time' job completely seperate from being an actor, however the skills and empathy I learnt from my acting experience and training - meant I was perfect in this role, talking to people from all wlaks of life who have just recently lost loved ones. I have to keep reminding myself that it is okay to be doing something different and earning money for a while, and just how incredibly fortunate I am, to have a job in this current climate. I have also learnt to allow this course to be my practise, beacuse, yes I may not be acting and in the reherasal room everday but I am understanding my practice and bettering it, through a different medium, through theory, understanding others stories and literature. I am learning different things and expanding my knowledge of the human condition, which is the actors purpose. The post also really connects to my inquiry topic, and the very idea that we need 'work life balance' as an actor; because it is all encompassing. We are it, and it is us. Without 'doing' it or being creative, I feel my very identity is threatened. Which often makes me jealous or I start comparing myself to other who are achieving what it is I want to do. I do not like that feeling. Sometimes it givs me inspiration and a drive but other times I feel defeated. I think it is important to remeber the small things, and to keep creative in any small way I can at the moment. Wether it is a workshop I have booked on to, a creative retreat with 'The Corona Resistance Theatre' or a little shakespeare/play readthrough, this is what keeps me, feeling like me.